The Kempa and the Dead

Kempa Sits Down With Kempa






I’ve come up with a fun game. I call it “Intervyou.” Here’s what you do: pick a person in your field of profession whom you respect, find an interview he or she has taken part in, and, without reading his/her responses, answer the questions yourself. It’s quite fun, and lends a lot to finding out how your worldview measures up to that of someone you respect yet probably will never meet.

I picked up an interview Norman Mailer gave to his friend Lyle Stuart at The Independent titled ‘Sixty-Nine Questions.’ I’ve deleted most of the questions that were clearly geared towards Mailer (things about The Deer Park which, had I read it, I would have tried to answer), so it’s probably somewhere closer to 62 questions.

This was fascinating to reread after going through the Mailer interview. Turns out that, whereas I'm correct 100% of the time, Mailer hovers somewhere around 74%.

Here are my responses. If it seems as if, at times, I’m taking myself too seriously, it’s because I am:



Q. What is the literary situation in America now?

A. My generation is unique in that it is the first to be characterized by constant stimulation. We have short attention spans, so the ability to sit back, silent and pensive, and approach something like a book is a rarity in my age group. With that in mind, the literary situation is worse than it was, say, 20 years ago. But the novel will never die. In the coming years people who read novels will just be viewed a notch above that bizarre ilk that still reads poetry.

Q. Why?

A. Indeed.

Q. If you were giving advice to a young writer on the brink of fame, what would you say?

A: Out of my way.

Q. Why do you write?

A. To put some order to the chaos around me.

Q. Do you believe anyone listens to writers?

A. Those who are sincerely looking for answers do. But they’ll give anyone five minutes.

Q. Philip Rodman once remarked that if a writer were very successful, he might reach six people who really understand what he is trying to say. Are you reaching your six?

A. At this point I’d be lucky to reach six people who could read.

Q. How do you feel about book reviewers in general? (Would you classify them as eunuchs or whores?)

A. I'm too green to have ever dealt with one of these. I'll say eunuchs, though. Good word, that.

Q. Why didn’t Rinehart publish 'The Deer Park?'

A: They were afraid.

Q. How do you feel about sex?

A. I’m a very rational guy, and I’ve always hated how irrational an attractive woman can make me. I once spent almost a year trying to phase sex out of my life in my pursuit to be as logical a person I could be. I’ve since given up.

Q. What is the function of a censor?

A. To protect an established power.

Q. Do you think the current censorship will make us a nation of mental eunuchs?

A. The internet age has made censorship all but impossible. What’s more pressing than censorship these days is unbridled misinformation knowingly being injected into the forum of ideas.

Q. If you could be any other living writer but (Kempa), whom would you choose to be?

A. Whoever wrote this question does not understand what it is to be a writer. What do you want me to say: Dave fucking Eggers?

Q. Do you write to eat or eat to write?

A. Neither.

Q. Do you write better before or after sexual activity, or during the periods you deny yourself such activity?

A. I write best during times of pressing stress, and about two whiskeys into the night. So, before.

Q. If you were forced to do something other than writing to earn your living, what would you choose?

A. I’d probably live the bohemian lifestyle somewhere on society’s fringe, working some unimpressive, unrestricting job that would allow me to enjoy things like coffee and tree-climbing in my free time.

Q. Whom do you hate?

A. People who do not realize the importance of understanding the human condition. People who will wait hours in line to buy the new iPhone. People who are not proactively empathetic.

Q. Do you believe socialism or nationalism will ever come to America?

A. We took to socialism in the worst form when our government took the banks’ private debt and made it public. I’ve always thought that the capitalist/entrepreneurial nature of the States removed socialism from any prominent position in our political dialogue. But you never know -- corporations and conglomerates have all but removed any hope for the entrepreneur. H.S.T. would say that things are getting ‘Weird’ in these modern times, and anything could happen. As far as nationalism goes, I don’t think I understand the term in this context. In terms of unquestioning love for your country, I don’t think ‘nationalism,’ in this sense, was ever not in existence at alarming levels in the U.S.

Q. If you could send a ten-word message to every man and woman in America, what would you say?

A. ‘Please don’t understand anybody too quickly.’ - Norman Mailer (quoting Gide)

Q. What is your opinion of the current crop of artistic aspirants in Greenwich Village?

A. Is there a current crop there these days? I’m out of the loop. Well, whether this group is extant or not, whenever artistic minds congregate and partake in an orgy of ideas, no one comes out the worse.

Q. Do you believe that there are good writers unable to find publication in America today?

A. Every trade in the States today is a bottom-line industry. For a good writer to be published, he or she must be, above all else, ‘marketable,’ and this is rarely the case.

Q. Will television put an end to novel reading?

A. Imagine Holden Caulfield in the time of the internet.

Q. Is there a future for the hard-bound novel?

A. As a novelty.

Q. Do you have political ambitions?

A. Only as part of the evil, liberal media.

Q. What does religion mean to you?

A. Religion is dangerous. Faith is just silly.

Q. What social problem seems most important to you?

A. In the world: equality via quality universal education.
In the U.S.: gay rights. I was at a wedding reception a while back when my gay friend came and sat down by me. We talked and joked for a while until the conversation turned to that particular wedding we were attending. He said something to me about what he’d do differently at his wedding, but cut his sentence off at ‘… at my wedd-’ We both sat there, silent for a moment, reflecting on the fact that it is, literally, illegal for him to marry. This was one of the most poignant moments of my life, and has become a shaping experience for how I view the implications of laws banning gay marriage.

Q. Do you believe in life after death?

A. I know that there is matter, and that there is energy. And that neither can be created nor destroyed.

Q. If Jesus Christ were alive today, do you think they would permit him to enter the church?

A. If he took off his hat.

Q. Who is your favorite writer?

A. Kevin Dymes

Q. Are you a Freudian?

A. Absolutely not.

Q. Are blacklists necessary?

A. For whom?

Q. Why?

A. What?

Q. Have you ever been blacklisted?

A. Credit ratings and police records are the new blacklists. And I sure as hell have been judged as a result of both.

Q. Are people afraid of you because they can’t understand you or because they do understand you?

A. I think ‘to understand someone’ is a nebulous, overarching concept that borders on cliché and undermines the fact that we are all, essentially, alone.

Q. Do you think communism will ever again become an American fad?

A. Most Americans couldn’t even define communism if you asked them. So, no. It’s funny, but over 50 years after the Red Scare, we’re still feeling the aftershocks of McCarthyism. It won’t come to be a fad again because we are unable to view it as a political concept rather than a synonym for ‘evil.’

Q. What quality do you most prefer in a woman?

A. A knockout set of brains.

Q. G. Legman once remarked that a man is either a sheep or a goat. Which are you?

A. I am the Chupacabra.

Q. Is rebellion healthy?

A. It’s an addiction like any other.

Q. Do you find the greatest pleasure in desire or in fulfillment?

A. I’m 24 years old, so the latter.

Q. Ben Hecht and a number of other onetime literary lights have seen the candle of conformity and swallowed it. Do you feel that age will mold you into a high-priced please-the-public author?

A. The audience I am trying to reach will not appreciate pandering to the lowest common denominator.

Q. Do you have any advice for your enemies?

A. Hide your daughters.

Q. How do you feel about money?

A. I am not one to pursue it too actively, but I’ll concede that you need a fair amount to see the world.

Q. About clothes?

A. I see you're wearing Crocs.

Q. How do you feel about Ernest Hemingway?

A. He once drank eight daiquiris at his favorite Havana bar, La Floridita.

Q. What is happening to the union movement?

A. It’s mostly run by thugs who do not understand the importance it held at its inception.

Q. Do you think Hitler still lives?

A. In many horrifying forms.

Q. Can man ever conquer loneliness?

A. No. That’s not to say, however, that he should stop trying.

Q. What can a man believe in?

A. A man can believe in anything. That’s the problem.

Q. What is your major ambition?

A. To prove you wrong about my generation.

Q. Do you think psychiatry will solve the problems that beset us?

A. God, no.

Q. Who will analyze the psychiatrists?

A. Who cares?

Q. Do you believe man will survive the H-bomb?

A. I think it comes down to if man is a species of community or of competition. If he is the former, then man has a chance. If the latter, then no.

Q. What papers do you read? What magazines?

A. Arizona Republic, NY Times, CNN.com, politico.com, BBC online, Aljazeera.net, Viceland.com, PBS.org

Q. If you were to be exiled to a desert island and could only take five books with you, what would they be?

A. No.

Q. If you could leave a message to a young man who will be your age one hundred years from today, what would you say?

A. Wrap it up.

Q. Are you happy?

A. I doubt I ever will be, in the most encompassing sense of the word. In the meantime, I can only hope to surround myself with fascinating minds, good whiskey, and attractive women.

Q. How do you feel about Marilyn Monroe?

A. Classy broad.

Q. Are you at work on a new novel?

A. You’d think so, but you’d be wrong.

Q. What is the role of the artist in our society?

A. He has no role in our society. That is why he has chosen to be an artist.

"Yo... votaria por McCain"

I really enjoy this clip from this past summer of Venezuelan president Hugo Chavez facetiously saying that he'd vote for John McCain in the coming election.

It's even funnier after watching this:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TMVonhkN0yQ

Since when is Venezuela part of the Middle East?

Glenn Beck is a Shell

I’ve been putting this post off for a while, now.

It’s going to be a novel.

You won’t care.

Except for what I have to say about Glenn Beck. You’ll enjoy that. But, otherwise, the things I have to say about El Che, you already know on which side of the fence I’ve landed.

But, well.

Pero, bueno.

Here goes:


CNN’s one and only Republican Glenn Beck wrote an article a few months ago. Within days, I’d received this link from multiple friends stateside. They wanted to know how I would react to it.

The article was about Che Guevara.

It was titled “Commentary: T-shirt depicts ‘pathetic and brutal legacy’”


Now, I’m not going to argue with his article’s expo. El Che has taken on a different meaning these days. Some people don’t quite understand who Guevara was and tend to deify him.

On the other hand, those more on the Glenn Beck side -- those in these 50 nifty United States -- tend to view Guevara as an evil(!), Red(!), bloodthirsty(!) Communist (McCarthy!?! Scratch yourself out of that frozen WI tundra and save us!!!).

And. Yes. That’s Beck’s opinion. Let the man opine.

While we’re on the subject, however:

Let me opine.


Guevara was a complex man. That said, there were many interpretations of who, exactly, he was.


Ever see ‘Motorcycle Diaries?’ It’s a movie about Ernesto ‘Che’ Guevara. It’s a good flick. You should see it. It’s the story of El Che, as a 20-something, traveling the Americas and gaining a sense of humanity and, most importantly, a sense of the world's injustices.

I can’t really relate.


Here are the quotes from the movie’s preview:

1) “Che Guevara is an inspiration for any human being who loves freedom.”
- Nelson Mandela

2) “Che is fairly intellectual for a Latino.”
- Declassified CIA document

3) “Che is a cultural icon because of his capacity to provoke empathy among the spoiled youth of the affluent West.”
- ‘The American Spectator’

4) “Che was the most complete human being of our age.”
- Jean-Paul Sartre

(sidenote: this movie’s executive producer was Robert Redford)

What a spectrum of opinion!

Wow!

Why am I always so right?!


So, if I had to guess where Mr. Beck landed within the quote boxes, I’d lean towards #3, and maybe #2 -- just because he’s a prick.

But, my god, doesn’t #4 resonate something awful?


Here’s my point: Beck wrote an article. It’s a bad article. It contains many fallacies and stretches of the not-so-worldly imagination in terms of who Guevara really was.

In his article, Beck tries to black the white put forth by the greatest philosopher in decades (Sartre).
Beck fails.
Beck rattles off nonsense.
Beck needs to be checked.


I’m the sexy cat for the job:


- -

To begin with, you often don’t know where to begin when trying to counter-attack the arguments of a complete dolt. I’ll do what I can with this. But I may have to stay within the confines of fact-checking and nothing more.


Glenn: "This is a history of a failure" is how he himself described his efforts in the Congo. He was killed in Bolivia, trying to fire up another failure of a war. Earlier, he even managed to drop his gun and shoot himself in the face.

Kempa: Glenn doesn’t know Spanish. Or he reads from sources who have a light understanding of the language. Or, probably, both. ‘History’ and ‘story’ are the same word in Spanish (as well as a number of other languages). Guevara was saying that his Congo efforts were a story of failure. Dude still lost, but I pull different meaning from the sentence when read in Spanish.

Yes, he did die in Bolivia. Another failure. How’d he do in Cuba?

Never read about him, ever, dropping a gun and shooting himself in the face. Possible, I suppose. I’m no Lex-Nex. But improbable, especially coming from Beck.


Beck: But more important than his incompetence is the fact that the man was a mass killer.

Kempa: And thus is conveyed the lack of perspective of the ultra-nationalist. Too much nationalism is detrimental in any country’s (pardon the German in this context) zeitgeist. Beck is a wonderful example here with his one-sided view of warfare.

To kill is to kill is to kill. We often forget that. Especially when it's okay -- in the name of freedom.

Note that I also don’t hesitate to comment on the irony that Guevara was a humanist who killed human beings. Many writers have tried to rationalize this -- something, to me, that is impossible. Like I said, however, Guevara was a complex man. I am arguing no further than that.


Beck: He described his maniacal lust for war in his writings, saying he savored "the acrid smell of gunpowder and blood of the enemy's death."

Kempa: I enjoy how Glenn only quotes the object of the verb in this sentence. It makes one wonder how he might have doctored the quote.


Beck: When describing the differences in the strife between "Europeans" and "the black," the supposedly progressive-minded Che wrote, "their different attitudes of life separate them completely: the black is indolent and fanciful, he spends his money on frivolity and drink; the European comes from a tradition of working and saving which follows him to this corner of America and drives him to get ahead."

Ohhhhh, so the "European" is a hard worker while "the black" is a fanciful drunk. Now I understand the difference.

Kempa: Beck, you divisive douchebag.

Here’s what I can say about this quote, without the context in front of me:

I lived in Argentina for five months. They call blonde-haired, blue-eyed cats ‘gringo,’ and black cats ‘negro,’ as well as fat chicks ‘gorda.’ It’s a disconcertingly un-PC culture. When you try to act offended, however, you find that they cannot, no matter how much you try to explain things, understand that they’ve somehow wronged the ‘gringo’ or ‘the black’ or ‘the fat chick.’ I know. Try growing up in Connecticut in the 90’s and then living in Buenos Aires.

That said, the older Argentineans (40+) tend to make generalizations that would make the PC American feel terribly uncomfortable. They certainly did me. I cannot speak for anyone in this age group and older. What I can say is, the cultural concept of generalization is changing as the generational baton passes hands in Buenos Aires. Just as it happened here. Do not tell me that a majority of adults in the 60s were not allowed to make statements such as Guevara’s without anyone batting an eyelash.



Beck: You shouldn't be wearing an "I heart abortion clinic bombers" T-shirt, and if you have any respect for humanity, you shouldn't be wearing a Che Guevara T-shirt, either.

Kempa: How do you reply to this drivel? The most irritating thing about this article is that it's littered with unchecked opinion. I mean, how do you cite 'bloodthirsty killer?' History: Volume III?


I just realized that, in all of this, Beck never mentions that Guevara, Castro, and others overthrew a horrific Batista regime in Cuba. That’s why communism found a foothold in Latin America in the first place. It went from bad to okay. I wonder if Beck knows who Batista was. That said, does he know the history of the Congo or of Bolivia?

I gaurantee he doesn’t.

And neither do I, at least on the Congo front, which leaves most of us in the dark in terms of the implications of Beck’s quote here. Did these guerrilla efforts hurt or help humanity? In Congo? No idea. Bolivia? Well, much of these efforts were to give more power to the people -- in this case the indigenous Incans. So, I mean, he meant well.

And so we ask, was El Che for or, as implied by Beck, against 'humanity?'

Well, this argument can wait for another day.





So that’s Glenn Beck. There’s so much more I would like to cover in reference to this article. But this is a blog (thing). No one has time for these things (blogs).

All I ask is that you recognize Beck as a fallacious dolt. And that you recognize his assertions as vague, fragile shells of truth. One tap of inquiry will shatter them.

In fact, Beck’s shells of truth reflect himself as a man. Beck is a shell. A shell of a man.



Glen Beck-- you're a shell.



You know, why don’t I say it in Ernesto Guevara’s beautiful Argentinean Spanish:



Glenn Beck-- sos una concha.

Buckle-Down Economics

"Hoover? Like the suckie-thingy Lupita pushes around the ranch?"

And here it is, folks. The bottom has dropped out at Wall Street, leaving those of us on Roosevelt, 1st, and Main streets scratching our heads as to what it all means.

Well, I’m not sure if you knew this, but I don’t do economics.

Nor stocks.

Nor money.

What I do do is live on next to nothing, and keep it sexy through the Ramen times.


Believe me. I made it through five months in Buenos Aires on about $550/month.

Perhaps more impressive -- I lived in a shack rent-free in Punta del Diablo, Uruguay, earning the equivalent of $60/month while working at a hostel. Of course, the free meals provided by the hostel owner and the constantly overflowing patrons’ refrigerator made things easier -- but still. That’s quite a feat.


So, as your foreclosures loom in the horizon, and as you’ve still got those little faces to feed, and as you lose your jobs, take a page or two out of my book: Buckle-Down Economics for the Gluttonous Gringo.


After taxes, I make about $1,014 per month.

Rent is about $700.

Electricity runs me, we’ll say, about $64 per month.

This leaves me at about $250 per month, or:

$62.50 / week.


Before I go on, I’d like to stress that these numbers are 100% accurate. I am in no way kidding. I am currently living on these wages, this is affecting my graduate studies (not to mention all-around stress levels), and I will be living in these conditions for at least the next month and a half while figuring out loan possibilities -- and isn’t this just the greatest time to be in dire need of a loan?


In any event, I consider myself a bit of an expert on living meagerly, and I feel as if I could impart some knowledge to those of you in these tough times a-coming:


Broke-onomics, Or: Scrimpy Tips from Kempa

1) Public library -- Okay, the homeless don’t go there just to stay cool and hydrated. The library gives you endless hours of something to do. Honestly, it is an unending source of free amusement/education. I couldn’t even begin to tell you about the music I’ve burned onto my iTunes or the brilliant foreign DVDs I’ve borrowed from the public library. And don’t get me started on the literature.

2) Give plasma -- Actually, to quote a friend of mine today as I explained to him my monetary plight:

“Can’t you give plasma? Or semen? Or both -- at once?”

Turns out I can (at least in terms of the former). They give you money for plasma. I’ve never been able to give plasma as an undergraduate because the American Red Cross was always hounding me for my sweet, sweet A-negative blood. Well, in these tough times I have no qualms saying ‘up yours, American Red Cross!’ in favor of pawning off a pint or two of plasma.

3) Theft. I’ve never tried this one. As a humanist, I don’t enjoy the moral implications. What I will say, however, is that plenty of people in Buenos Aires got along just fine pilfering the pockets of the unsuspecting gringo. Just saying.

4) Water. The cool thing about water is that it’s free AND necessary. Honestly, other beverages are just glorified water. Just, like, think about it, man.

5) Making the best of freebies. For instance, as an ASU student, I get a free YMCA membership. As a member of the Y, I get a free cup of coffee every morning.

Boom-shacka-lacka.

6) Alternate forms of transportation. This one is funny because my bike tire has popped, rendering my $600 bike useless. Wait, no. That’s just depressing. In any event, ASU students have free city bus transportation as well.

Boom-goes-the-dynamite, as it were.

7) Cheap, carb-loaded food. As my aforementioned friend put it:

“Whenever I’m eating Ramen, I feel like I’ve been defeated. I mean… I’m defeated.”

So am I, man.

So am I.


Good luck, all.

Sigo comiendo el Ramen.


-- Kempar

¿Por qué no se bailan?

Oye, Mahmoud, I love it when you lead.

I’m not sure if you’ve noticed, but things aren’t going so great. There have been two suicide bombings abroad in the past week. Our economy has finally begun its much-anticipated freefall. We owe China, among others, boatloads of money. We’re still in Iraq and Afghanistan. Russia doesn’t like us, and has made friends with a caustic (albeit harmless) Hugo Chavez. Bolivia’s president Evo Morales is blaming us for his civil scuffle currently taking place. Our Republican vice presidential candidate is an End-of-Days creationist. Our president is an End-of-Days creationist. David Foster Wallace killed himself. The drummer from that shitty 90’s preteen ‘punk’ band was in a plane crash. And all the while the world heats up in the most literal sense of the phrase. I mean, wow.

What can we do?

Well, I’m glad you asked. There is only one thing we can do:





Dance.



That’s right, dance.



Everybody dance, now.




Hey! What's wrong? You shy? Well, don’t be. I’ve got some crunk'd-out music videos to get you going. You‘ll like them. I swear. They’re starring some of our favorite people around.







First up: Mr. Bill HUSSEIN O’Reilly.



Before we get to grooving, did you catch O'Reilly a few years back on Inside Edition? Apparently Papa Bear had had a rough day. If you didn't catch the meltdown the first time around, please check out the above link before the music video below. Believe me when I say you need a primer for this YouTube gem. In any event, stretch before rocking out to this phat beat:




http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5j2YDq6FkVE




Oh.

Hell yes, Bill.

Dare I say he’s more gangster than Ludacris?


I hope you all are feeling better already. Dancing is often the best remedy for life’s worries.


Want to know how they get down in Latin America? Well, they get down with music that most people in the U.S. hate. It’s called reggaeton. You probably won't like it. The only reason I do is because it brings back memories of having no responsibility and staying out all night in South America dancing with latinas.

Do you remember when the king of Spain told Venezuelan president Hugo Chavez to shut up?


Yeah. It happened. Not the greatest thing to happen to the latin world. But, I suppose, nowhere near the worst.

In any event, here’s a bit of reggaeton-infused foreign diplomacy for all y’all:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NwswzwoA4pA&feature=related


You know, whether or not anyone appreciates that music or not, I think we can all agree that Chavez’s blank stare at the end of the video probably counts as the apex of his political career.


(Sidenote: this clip isn’t even my favorite parody of that unfortunate interaction. Ever see beaurocratic muppets prepare to throw down?)




And last, but in no way least, we have a music video by one of my favorite bands, The Electric Six. The name of the song is -- well, you’ll figure it out.

I’m told this video was banned in the U.S. and the U.K.

Land of the free, huh?:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vCZvYXwBlkk



All sweaty, sated, and happy?

Good.



¡ Hazlo en vivo!



-Kempar

Taking Back Coward

Semantics, 'n Terr'rists, 'n Bears -- Oh My!

***If you haven’t noticed, I won’t be sticking entirely with the latin theme. If there’s something I fancy the world needs to be lurned on, then god damnit, I’m gonna lurn y’all.***



Last Thursday was the seven-year anniversary of 9/11.

I spent that morning before my print journalism class perusing the news online. I read some first-person reflections reliving the day, watched Obama and McCain together at the Ground Zero ceremony, and tried, for the umpteenth time, to see the alleged link between Al-Qaeda and Saddam Hussein.

And then I came across this CNN blog entry by Gary Tuchman on the Anderson Cooper 360 blog.

--Now, there’s not too much to say about 9/11 that hasn’t been said. And, I’m sure, there’s nothing I’ll say on here that hasn’t been said before. That said, I’m just proud of the picture at the top of this post.--

‘9/11: Cowards and courage’ is the title of Tuchman’s entry. It begins:

“For seven years, I have marveled at the utter cowardice of the 9/11 hijackers. Could there be anything lower than knowing you’re going to die, and deciding that you want to take as many innocent human beings who have families, hopes and dreams with you?”

Okay. First, I’ll answer your question, Gar-bear: no, there is nothing lower than that.

Second, and I say this with all due respect, buy a dictionary.

Cowardice? What about that description or about anything the hijackers did that day implies cowardice? Have I gone insane? Have we all forgotten the meaning of the word coward?

What the 9/11 hijackers did that day was a number of things: appalling, horrifying, inhumane, self-righteous, unforgivable, unfathomable.

None of these words, in my estimation, is vaguely synonymous with ‘coward’ or ‘cowardice.’

And I get it. People do bad (or, in this case, horrendous) things, other people get angry. People are called names, sometimes inaccurately, by these ‘other people.’ It happens every day. Ask any of my recent two-faced, conniving ex-girlfriends.

Maybe it’s my English degree coming to surface. I just don’t like words being used improperly.

That said, tell me if the hijackers’ actions that day would label them as follows:

-Webster.com -- coward (n) - “one who shows disgraceful fear or timidity”
-Dictionary.com -- coward (n) - “a person who lacks courage in facing danger, difficulty, opposition, pain, etc.; a timid or easily intimidated person.”

In my estimation, they don’t. I could be wrong, I guess. If you can find an entry in a respected dictionary somewhere with a definition correlating with the hijackers' actions that day, please show me. Until then, however, have some respect for the English language.



And, oh, I don’t know.

All I’m saying is use words correctly. Know what they mean.

I won’t call a dog a marmot. Don’t you call the 9/11 hijackers cowards.


Oh, and bin Laden?


Well, yeah.

He’s a big ol’ coward.




If this post offended you at all… well, at least I didn’t say this:

“We have been the cowards lobbing cruise missiles from 2,000 miles away. That's cowardly. Staying in the airplane when it hits the building, say what you want about it, it's not cowardly.”
- Bill Maher








Kempar -- out.

And Now, A Word From Our Despot

Fidel Got Game

I’ve recently entered the world of journalism. So far, it’s been a bit of a whirlwind:

The deadlines.
The information overload.
The broadcast news girls.

It’s blowing my mind.

One thing I’ve found really enjoyable is the fact that I can read news in Latin American periodicals that no one can easily find (let alone translate) here in the States. Case in point:

Fidel Castro regularly writes in Cuba’s national newspaper, La Granma. Of course, this is a state-run paper, and anything in it should be taken with a grain of salt. That said, an editorial from this quaint little island’s quaint little despot is nothing short of fascinating.

His column is titled ‘Reflexiones del Compañero Fidel’: Reflections from Comrade Fidel.

Fidel, dear comrade that he is, has written his most recent article, ‘Para el honor, Medalla de Oro,’ reflecting on the 2008 Beijing Summer Olympics.

I was pleased to find in this article that Fidel, much like myself, was appalled by the officiating in these Olympic games. ‘Wow,’ I thought, ‘Fidel and I have more in common than I originally believed. I no longer feel so awkwardly offended by his government officers’ overbearing presence on my visit to Havana -- which, if any US official asks, is purely fictional.’

But then I went on to read about which injustices he happened to find so appalling.

Fidel first addresses the actions of Cuban tae kwon do Olympian Ángel Valodia Matos. If you don’t recognize this name -- here’s a refresher:

http://www.ebaumsworld.com/video/watch/891018/

For the record, Homeslice here was disqualified for taking too much time to recover from an injury. You can see the clock. Time doesn’t lie. He did, in fact, take too much time. And he was disqualified. I don’t know. Perhaps I’m wrong. Perhaps referees give you some leeway to get back on your feet for this type of thing. I don’t pretend to know the intricacies of competitive tae kwon do.

Neither does Fidel. But he does flat-out disregard the event’s rules in favor of rhetoric:

“… Ángel Valodia Matos - Olympic champion from the Sydney games eight years ago - whose mother died while he competed and won the gold medal 20,000 kilometers from his country. Surprised by a decision that seemed totally unjust to him, he protested and kicked the referee. They had tried to buy his own trainer, he was inclined* and outraged. He couldn‘t contain himself.”

Really, man? Did you watch the tape? Even if ‘they’ really had tried to buy Matos’ trainer (something I wouldn‘t argue against for a second after watching these games), how did he not take liberties with the time allotted him to recover? Where is your argument that he wasn’t, in fact, disqualified?

“He protested and kicked the referee.”
Oh. Okay.
“He covered his mouth and sneezed.”
“He offered to buy her a drink.”

How can you state that so matter-of-factly?

Matos kicked a referee in the face. A Swedish referee, no less. Have you ever met a Swede you didn’t like? I defy you to find a Swede worth even a cupped ear.

So, yeah. Matos was expelled from international competitive tae kwon do for life, which does seem a bit extreme to me -- being expelled for acting too aggressively in an inherently aggressive sport. His trainer was expelled for life as well. And that’s ridiculous. I wish Fidel had put his two cents in on this one.



In any event, Castro procedes.

He says that judges robbed two Cubans in boxing matches, neither of which I saw. But I did see those guys fight earlier, and couldn’t put it better than Fidel myself: ‘they fought with dignity and valiance; they attacked constantly.’ Perhaps they were robbed of these medals. Perhaps not. Fidel says a Korean was treated similarly in a fight of his own.


After this Castro gives a spiel on the Cuban athletes’ valiant efforts in lovely form. And he’s damn right. There were plenty of Cuban athletes who performed well during this summer‘s Olympics. I love the ethic of Cuban athletes; how they can grow to be such masters with little to no funding behind them. They seem to grow into these exalted abilities simply for love of their respective games.



Fidel also has some rips against the world’s biggest little Super Power. My home. The U.S. of A.

I’ll spare you his rants on commercialism, but I will say he somehow managed to incorporate one into a paragraph on baseball, leaving open implications on what that has to say about the U.S.

Yeah.

This coming from the guy who tried to join the majors in his younger, less-revolutionary days.


He also lauds the Brazilian volleyball team that ‘overwhelmingly defeated’ the U.S. team and ‘gained primacy.’

Well, yeah. I’ll concede that one, Comandante.


Fidel didn’t comment on what I believed to be the real injustices in the games. The Chinese gymnasts that were clearly not 16? I mean, come on. I heard about terrible scores in other events as well, but nothing was worse than this injustice. And, after reading Fidel’s arguments, I don’t think I’d be able to argue for these unnamed events without a strong, strong dose of Americentrism. Perhaps it’s best I don’t. Perhaps it would have been best if he hadn’t.



Anyway. I hope you can read Spanish. This is a rich article, and it’s always enjoyable to listen to out-of-touch politicians of his or Bush’s ilk.


Let me end this with a nice little paragraph of Fidel gazing with hope to future Olympic games:
‘Let’s prepare ourselves for important future battles. Let us not leave ourselves coaxed by the smiles of London. In London there will be European chauvinism, corrupt officiating, the buying of muscles and minds, a cost that cannot be paid, and a strong dose of racism.’

Bien dicho, old man. Well said, indeed.







-----Some words may sometimes be difficult for me to translate directly. If that is ever the case, I will take whatever liberties I find necessary to make the word intelligible within its context, mark it with an asterisk, and add it to the end of my “thing’s” entry for anyone to translate on his/her own-----


*predispuesto